As you walk through the malls and see the lights or look down the street and see the trees, do you know if it’s going to be Ho Ho Ho this year - or - is it going to be

No No No! 

Chances are if you’ve lost someone you loved, No No No might be the phrase ringing in your ears. Dealing with any holiday after the loss of a loved one can be an unnerving experience. 

As you move into the future, it’s easy to look behind and see what you’ve missed but the reality is that you now have to look ahead and see what you can find. 

One of the first steps in dealing with grief during the holiday season is to be aware that you are going to most likely have to redefine what the holidays mean to you. 

If you can’t be with the one you loved – then love the one you are with – YOU! 

Take steps to be kind to yourself and to know that whatever you are feeling right now is normal and is to be expected. 

Don’t think you have to go through the days ahead with a smile plastered on your face when your heart is breaking. 

If this is the year you don’t put up a tree, send out cards or bake cookies – that’s OK!  With time, you’ll regain a sense of the holidays but this year – again, just take care of yourself. 

There are a lot of things you can do to do just that…..and some of those are listed below.

• First and foremost, be kind to yourself and avoid stress! Take the time to do the things you want to do, not what others think you should do.  If staying home and taking a hot bath is more appealing that a neighborhood get together – enjoy the calming waters as they wash over you.   
• Pamper yourself!One of the first ways to take care of yourself is to make sure you are eating correctly, exercising and sleeping well.  Don’t mask your pain with pills and alcohol.  Instead, get out a journal and start writing.  You have no idea what a cathartic experience writing can be until you put pen to paper.
• Open your heart and your mouth – don’t be shy!  Be willing to talk about your loved one.  Put their pictures out feel free to laugh at the memories.  With each spoken word you are helping your heart to heal.
• Throw away the would-of’s, should-of’s, and could-of’s of days gone by.  Throw away the guilt of lost opportunities and focus on the celebrations you shared together. 
• Be good to yourself, but more especially be kind to yourself.Be sensitive to the fact that you are not alone in your pain and that others around you are feeling blue too.  The first year of holidays after a death are times that can incite old feelings and if you think that being away from those situations is best for you – then do just that.
• Don’t overdo!  Don’t put up a tree or bake cookies or plan the meal at your house just because people expect it this year!  Be firm in what you are comfortable doing and let others take care of you for a change!  Being a guest rather than a host might be a whole new wonderful world you can now take advantage of!
• Have you thought about lending a helping hand where it’s needed?  Whether it’s a turkey drive, a financial donation, or doling out dinner to the homeless, you just might feel better by giving to others than sitting home alone.  What feels right to you? 
• Most importantly, celebrate your own life!  Take comfort in your own emotions.  Be thankful for the gift of memories and for times you shared. 
• Plan for tomorrow, but live today!